As I was waiting in the doctor’s office this morning I had nothing to read but a dog-eared copy of “Shape” magazine which was packed with fascinating workouts designed to lift my derriere. After leafing through “Shape” I started reading a brochure on genital herpes and then finally was reduced to reading the side of a box of cotton swabs.

Finally the doctor barged in and promptly kicked my foot on the side with the sprained knee. It was an accident, I think, but it really effin hurt. Anyway, after a lot of poking and prodding the doctor determined that I stretched my Medial Collateral Ligament (MCL).

Just for good measure the doctor ordered X-Rays. As I was lying on the table the X-Ray technician laid a lead sheet the size of a hand towel over my groin. I was all, “I don’t think that’s big enough.” But she zapped me with the X-Ray anyway. Oh well.

Looking at the X-Ray was pretty interesting. I think the picture must have been enlarged because my bone looked as big as the handle of a baseball bat and the knob part was the size of a Red Delicious apple. It reminded me of that caveman movie where the one dude with the big forehead gets bludgeoned with a femur.

Anyway, I don’t need surgery, thankfully. I just need to somehow find a way to ride a stationary bike. I guess I’ll call 24 Hour Fitness and see if they have a month-to-month membership. Obviously I can’t train for at least a couple of weeks which sucks.

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